Healing the Mother Wound, or “how to grow a parent”

Tending the primordial wound of mother-less-ness / IWD Siren Songs

Special edition of How Healing Happens for International Women’s Day and in celebration of Siren Songs

Photo by Adele Morris on Unsplash

The closest connection we may ever have is with our biological mother. We are grown from the cells of her body and nourished in her womb by nutrients shared selflessly.

All too often, the connection with mother is broken through emotional absence, neglect, or even abuse. The loss of this sacred connection is devastating.

The role of the mother is to offer nurturing and unconditional love. The ideal mother offers a safe space physically but more importantly, emotionally. When the mother is unable or unwilling to offer this, a deep wound is created that is primordial and preverbal.

The Mother Wound lives in our bones, and is one of the most difficult to heal.

Signs of the mother wound:

• Feeling unloved, unaccepted and isolated

• Becoming your mother‘s caretaker, instead of the other way around

• People pleasing to try and win affection

• Low self-esteem

• Difficulties understanding and managing your emotions

• Feeling the need to be perfect

• Relationship problems, like codependence and self sabotage

• A very mouthy and insistent inner critic

• Feeling disconnected from Spirit

Photo by Ranadeep Bania on Unsplash

Along with the life sustaining nutrients delivered through the placenta, the infant in the womb is also exposed to the mother’s emotional states. If she is frightened or stressed, the baby feels it.

Did you know that cortisol, a stress hormones, is one of the few things that can cross the placental barrier?

An overwhelmed and under-resourced mother has cortisol coursing through her body. The infant in her womb is literally swimming in stress hormones before they even encounter the world, their developing nervous systems learning hypervigilance before ever encountering a threat.

A nervous system that develops in this environment is different.

The child becomes systemically hypervigilant and may develop into a highly sensitive person, so attuned to the possibility of threat that it can be become difficult to function.

Healing the mother wound requires time travel.

We can use the power of the imaginal to travel back and connect to our wounded inner child and offer them what they need the most.

Beyond the biological mother or the person who raised you, we all have an Archetypal mother to whom we can connect.

The mother archetype is one of nurturing, compassion, protection, and love.

Consider some examples of the mother archetype:

• Gaia (Mother Earth)

• The Virgin Mary

• Wendy from Peter Pan

• Demeter and Ceres, goddesses of harvest and hearth

• Mrs. Weasley from Harry Potter

• Mary Poppins

Archetypal loving mother attuning to her infant

Do any of these resonate with you? Is there another image that came to your mind instead?

Come with me on an imaginal journey to your own inner mother archetype.

Give yourself time and privacy to do this exercise and really allow yourself to drop in.

Close your eyes if that feels comfortable, or keep them very gently open.

Take several slow, deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth.

Begin to feel your body is slowing down and feel the connection and support of the chair or sofa or bed where you are sitting.

See if you can connect with your inner child, a younger version of you. Invite them to join you in this space. Notice how old they are, what they’re wearing, what they’re doing. Spend a good amount of time here just trying to sense into your child self.

Ask your inner child what it is that they most need from you. Take time and listen for the answer. It may come in the form of words, or an image, or just a simple knowingness.

In this imaginal realm, you become the mother to yourself!

What can the adult you offer to your younger self that they yearn for from that untouched place inside? If it helps, you can bring to mind one of the examples of the archetypal mother to offer the support to your inner child.

Notice if the imaginable inner child is willing to accept the support. If they are not, that’s OK, just let them know that you are always with them and when they need you, you will be there.

You can repeat this exercise as often as needed. Each time you may find a different archetypal, mother image, or a different child self, or a different gift that can be offered to your child self.

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© Linnea Butler 2025