Radical Kindness: Dismantling our Shadow Projections
TL;DR: Kindness Matters
Hate costs us dearly.
It is also highly contagious.
In our everyday lives, especially in these times of geopolitical tension, divisiveness and the amplification of the angriest voices through social media, it’s easy to feel both overwhelmed and seduced by negativity.
But there’s another way… a way that invites us to step back, look inward, and choose a different path.
I’m calling that path Radical Kindness.
Radical kindness means treating ourselves and others with an openness and warmth that cuts through our defenses and honors our (and their) humanity. It’s about noticing when we’re caught up in anger or judgment, and instead choosing to respond with compassion.
It’s radical because when we are swimming in seas of hate, kindness is a profound act of resistance. And it’s radical because it requires deep courage.
In case you were wondering, kindness is not weak.
As someone who has spent years working with people to heal their deepest wounds, I’ve seen how we project our hidden fears and unhealed hurts onto the people around us. It’s a defense that tries to protect us by keeping us separate, isolated.
That kind of isolation only deepens the pain.
The projection “defense”, placing our fears and frustrations onto another, is a weapon against our authentic humanity.
What we dislike or fear in ourselves, we see in others. In her book Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach talks about the power of meeting our inner pain with kindness and compassion instead of resistance. She reminds us that accepting our emotion, especially the painful ones, is the first step toward real healing.
Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving creates love.
~Lao Tzu
When we stop fighting our own vulnerability, we create space for deeper understanding, of ourselves and of others.
It’s in that space that radical kindness grows, offering us a way to mend our internal divides.
Think about the role social media plays in our lives today. We are flooded with headlines, images, and opinions that intentionally stir up emotions such as anger and fear.
In our current geopolitical poly-crisis, these platforms amplify our worst impulses.
They favor quick, polarizing takes over consdered dialogue, pushing us to see the world in black and white, right or wrong, this or that. And the divisiveness on social media isn’t just online—it seeps into our personal lives and can leave us feeling isolated and misunderstood.
Yet, amidst all this hate and fear, practicing radical kindness is a sanctuary for our souls.
Imagine scrolling through your social media feed and taking a moment to breathe and reflect, instead of immediately reacting to a triggering comment.
What if, instead of joining the outrage, the social media “dog pile” you chose to approach the situation with curiosity instead?
You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson.
That small act of kindness towards yourself and others can be transformative. It allows you to step out of the cycle of reactivity and to see the human behind every post, every comment, every angry message.
Radical kindness is about being real.
We all have shadow parts—the parts of us that we hide away because we’re afraid they’re too raw or too messy. These are the parts that can emerge in the form of harsh words or judgments when we feel threatened.
When we approach our shadow projections with kindness, we start to see them as clues to our own pain rather than enemies.
Every time we feel that surge of anger or bitterness, it’s an opportunity to ask ourselves, “What am I really feeling right now? What unmet need or past hurt is showing up here?”
In answering those questions, we begin to heal.
Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.
~ Og Mandino.
I’m not endorsing naïvety or ignoring the very real challenges we face. Radical kindness doesn’t mean turning a blind eye. It means approaching these challenges from a place of inner strength.
From a calm core of Self.
From grounded wisdom.
It’s about acknowledging the fear and pain that these situations can trigger, and then choosing to respond with compassion rather than perpetuating the cycle of outrage.
Mindfulness of the present moment helps us notice our thoughts and feelings, and when we’re about to project our own pain onto someone else. It might be that heated comment thread on social media or a frustrating conversation at work.
In those moments, taking a few deep breaths and asking yourself what’s really behind your reaction can make all the difference. Over time, this practice of checking in with ourselves builds resilience.
It gives us a safe space, a sanctuary within, where we can reconnect with our true, compassionate nature.
I’ve seen this shift happen in my work with clients. Many come to therapy feeling trapped in a cycle of anger and blame. But as we start to peel back the layers, we discover that a lot of that anger is actually a reflection of their own internal struggles. By learning to treat themselves with kindness, they begin to see that the judgments they place on others are really from disowned parts of themselves. This realization can be incredibly freeing. It opens up a space where real change can happen, where we can move from isolation and fear to connection and understanding.
The idea of radical kindness might seem too gentle or even out of place in the face of so much injustice in the world. But its strength lies precisely in its gentleness.
It takes courage to be kind when everything around you is pushing you to be defensive or combative.
It takes courage to admit that you’re hurting and to reach out for connection instead of retreating into anger.
And that kind of bravery can ripple outwards, creating small pockets of peace in a turbulent world.
When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we invite others to do the same. This mutual vulnerability can be a powerful antidote to the polarizing forces we see online and in society. It’s a reminder that beneath the noise and conflict, we all share a basic human need: to be seen, to be understood, and to feel safe.
By choosing radical kindness, we’re saying that we’re ready to see and embrace the full complexity of ourselves and others. We’re choosing connection over separation, understanding over judgment.
Dismantling our shadow projections isn’t a one-time fix—it’s a lifelong practice.
Every day offers new opportunities to choose kindness, even and especially when it’s hard. And each time we make that choice, we chip away at the barriers that keep us apart.
I’ve been searching for ways to heal myself, and I found that kindness is the best way.
~ Lady Gaga
We start to see that what we often label as “other” is really just a reflection of our own unhealed parts.
When we meet those parts with compassion, both in ourselves and in the people around us, we begin to create a more inclusive and caring world. Little pockets of resistance through kindness.
What a beautiful way to reframe our existence!
In practical terms, radical kindness can look like something as simple as pausing before you respond to a comment. It might mean taking a moment to reflect on your own feelings before engaging in a heated discussion. Or it might be as profound as sitting with your own pain, acknowledging it, and offering yourself the same care you’d give a dear friend. Each of these actions is a step toward dismantling the cycles of anger and division that so often dominate our interactions.
By embracing radical kindness, we also give ourselves permission to be imperfect.
We learn that it’s okay to make mistakes, to stumble, and to have moments of anger or sadness. What matters is not the absence of these feelings, but how we choose to respond to them. When we meet our own shortcomings with kindness, we set an example for others. We show that there’s another way to live—a way that honors our shared humanity and the messy, beautiful complexity of being human.
In a world that often feels divided and fragmented, radical kindness offers a quiet but powerful resistance.
The everyday kindness of the back roads more than makes up for the acts of greed in the headlines.
~ Charles Kuralt
Whether you’re scrolling through a tumultuous social media feed, engaging in a tough conversation, or simply facing your own inner struggles, remember that you have the power to choose kindness.
Radical kindness isn’t about ignoring the world’s problems; it’s about meeting them with a clear, compassionate mind.
It’s about knowing that, even when things feel overwhelming, you have a safe space within you; a sanctuary where love, understanding, and connection can always be found.
We can reclaim not only our inner peace but also our capacity to influence the world around us through practicing kindness. We become little beacons of hope in times of division, showing others that a different way is possible, where our shared vulnerabilities are met with empathy and understanding, rather than judgment and fear.