Yes. The obstacle is not a punishment. It is an invitation. The discomfort is not a sign that you are on the wrong path. It is the signal that you are at the edge of the container that has been holding you. The contraction is the preparation for the expansion.
What lingers with me is the distinction between avoidance and alignment. Avoidance is the organization of life around comfort. Alignment is the organization of life around truth. The two paths look similar from a distance. The difference is in the trajectory. One shrinks the world. The other expands it.
The gifts that were waiting are not new. They were there the whole time. They just needed the slowing down to be seen.
Thank you, Sarah. That is the truth of it. There is no bypass. There is only the going through. The lesson is not in the avoidance. It is in the meeting. I am grateful for your presence here.
Yes. The smooth is often the bypass. The effort is the evidence that something real is being built. The shortcut is not a shortcut. It is a detour that looks like a path. The work is not the obstacle. It is the way.
In our modern culture it can be so easy to live a life comfortable, in our little bubble. But the problem is that we never get to see our true potential. Coming from a childhood of complex trauma, I know how scary it can be to face our demons. I also know how amazing it can be when we become someone our little self could only have dreamed of. Living an aligned life isn't about life always being rosy, far from it. It takes work especially when we have so many messages being thrown at us every day about who we 'should' be. But it is oh so rewarding.
Our culture has dulled our senses and our ability to feel into aligned action. This is doubly… no, actually much more than that… true for complex trauma.
“also know how amazing it can be when we become someone our little self could only have dreamed of.”
This is a very important reminder! — our responsibility is to take care of the adorable little child we were! I think of her often. In fact I have a picture of her on my dresser when I was 5. She makes me smile every time I look at her. I even tell her out loud “I got you babe”! lol
Linnea, the movement from the shrinking box to the expanding one gives the essay its most grounded and useful insight. Avoidance can ease immediate pressure while quietly narrowing the choices, relationships, and values a person is able to inhabit. Alignment then becomes a practice of making decisions that enlarge the life one can participate in, even when those decisions carry discomfort. Thank you for giving readers a clear connection between values-based action and the gradual recovery of a wider life.
Sometimes I go out of my way to be uncomfortable. Recently we had a hot spell. I was working outside for a bit and I took a few minutes to just stand and experience the heat. It’s unrealistic to expect to be comfortable all the time. Be ok with being uncomfortable and then be grateful when you’re not.
A good reminder that what we resist may be trying to teach us something. The real work may be less about getting past the obstacle and more about letting it change how we live. As Joseph Campbell said, "The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” Thanks for writing this.
The part about the body dropping into shutdown as a last resort when fight and flight haven’t worked …I see this constantly in somatic sessions and have lived it myself. The body is not betraying us when it collapses. It is doing the most conservative thing it knows to protect what remains. It’s wonderful when we begin to learn to tools and understand how to direct the light towards a shift gently without the heaviness of the body and heart response.
I collapsed w/out recognizing what actually happened to me for quite a while. Honestly I am shocked that it didn’t happen 2-3 decades ago with everything I was living through.
A most valuable post for me to read and begin absorbing its messages today as yesterday (for me) I was resisting the reality of what IS for my body in recovery mode from medical & surgical trauma (that I've only just realised is the basis for my trauma) ... learning more here is so helpful... thank you.
I feel this, and have done or myself more times than I can count. Resisting reality anyways gets us into trouble. Sometimes we simply need to rest and (dare I say it?) convalesce. Especially as we age, we can’t expect our bodies to just bounce back. I admit, I still struggle with this myself.
Thank you for your understanding and empathy! Struggling with the ingrained patterns of what contributed to overwhelm and ill health from trauma it's harder to take on kindness and self compassion but today I will!
This beautifully captures the difference between discomfort that expands us and suffering that signals a genuine need for rest, safety, or support. The obstacle may become part of the path, but we do not always need to force our way through it. Sometimes the path asks us to pause, listen, change direction, or release a life that no longer fits. Growth is not simply tolerating more pain; it is becoming more discerning about which discomfort serves our values and which repeatedly asks us to abandon ourselves.
“Sometimes the path asks us to pause, listen, change direction, or release a life that no longer fits. Growth is not simply tolerating more pain; it is becoming more discerning about which discomfort serves our values and which repeatedly asks us to abandon ourselves.” 💕
This is wonderful, Linnea. I try to think of it as turning away from or turning towards (with more curiosity than fear, as Pema says ;) what comes my way in life. Currently doing with this with my very slow recovery from surgery.
I have long viewed challenges as what can be learned from them, and how I can be expanded by them. So much so that I felt there might be a way in which I was becoming attached to challenge/difficulty as the only path for learning, and wondered if that attracted more of it.
Now I am also consciously focused on being equally as interested in balance, slowness, nothing special happening for what they offer in terms of expansion and growth. Here for all of it :).
It seems we learn alignment and balance the same way we learn to ride a bicycle. A little bit at a time. I appreciate the obstacles (after the fact) because my world, and capacity for joy, becomes larger.
Beautifully written. I am following in your footsteps (even the living in the mountains of California) and sending you healing thoughts on your continued journey.
After pushing my body to its limits at the start of this year I am now trying to realign myself 🩵 I was even journaling about my difficulties with acceptance and avoidance responses this morning so I feel I was meant to see this article
“I’ve spent much of my life since learning what to do with a gift I didn’t ask for. My healer gift works the same way. I’ve written about discovering, mid-psychedelic-journey, that I conduct other people’s pain the way a crystal grid conducts energy, and that having the capacity was not the same as having the wisdom to use it well.”…
Linnea, These words describe a part of me that I don’t discuss with anyone out of fear that I will be even more misunderstood. The fact is it won’t make any sense to anyone else. I am so grateful to you for sharing it and articulating it as beautifully as you have. Admittedly I sometimes value these qualities as to having a beautiful inherent gift. Other times I can see no value in the gift whatsoever. Only acute distress heavily influenced by my empathic nature renting free space in my mind and behind the door to my nervous system causing me far too much distress.
Thank you DiANE. 🙏🏻💜🙏🏻 When I first came to Substack, I know I wanted to take risks and write about things I had only kept private. Every time I post a tidbit such as this one, I hold my breath. But know it is landing in fertile with at least a few people keeps me going (and keeps me honest and vulnerable). I so deeply appreciate your words here. Thank you.
Yes. The obstacle is not a punishment. It is an invitation. The discomfort is not a sign that you are on the wrong path. It is the signal that you are at the edge of the container that has been holding you. The contraction is the preparation for the expansion.
What lingers with me is the distinction between avoidance and alignment. Avoidance is the organization of life around comfort. Alignment is the organization of life around truth. The two paths look similar from a distance. The difference is in the trajectory. One shrinks the world. The other expands it.
The gifts that were waiting are not new. They were there the whole time. They just needed the slowing down to be seen.
ALWAYS.
One must go through to reach the other side, and ideally, learn the lessons it is meant to hold for us and teach us.
Adore your posts, as always.
Thank you, Sarah. That is the truth of it. There is no bypass. There is only the going through. The lesson is not in the avoidance. It is in the meeting. I am grateful for your presence here.
Thank you for the warm welcome.
When we, as a people digest that there are no short cuts, it shall be a glorious day!
Anything worthwhile takes effort at the end of the day.
If something is “too smooth”, I’m always looking for what is missing, or wrong. 😆
Yes. The smooth is often the bypass. The effort is the evidence that something real is being built. The shortcut is not a shortcut. It is a detour that looks like a path. The work is not the obstacle. It is the way.
Anything worth doing requires effort.
So true!
Avoidance versus alignment… sometimes I think that encompasses the entire healing journey. Thank you. 💜🙏🏻💜
Thank you. 💜🙏🏻💜I'm glad it resonated with you.
Thank you fire writing 100% human!!
In our modern culture it can be so easy to live a life comfortable, in our little bubble. But the problem is that we never get to see our true potential. Coming from a childhood of complex trauma, I know how scary it can be to face our demons. I also know how amazing it can be when we become someone our little self could only have dreamed of. Living an aligned life isn't about life always being rosy, far from it. It takes work especially when we have so many messages being thrown at us every day about who we 'should' be. But it is oh so rewarding.
Our culture has dulled our senses and our ability to feel into aligned action. This is doubly… no, actually much more than that… true for complex trauma.
“also know how amazing it can be when we become someone our little self could only have dreamed of.”
This is a very important reminder! — our responsibility is to take care of the adorable little child we were! I think of her often. In fact I have a picture of her on my dresser when I was 5. She makes me smile every time I look at her. I even tell her out loud “I got you babe”! lol
I think of her often too and I'm so glad you have her up cheering you on.
🫶🫶🫶
Linnea, the movement from the shrinking box to the expanding one gives the essay its most grounded and useful insight. Avoidance can ease immediate pressure while quietly narrowing the choices, relationships, and values a person is able to inhabit. Alignment then becomes a practice of making decisions that enlarge the life one can participate in, even when those decisions carry discomfort. Thank you for giving readers a clear connection between values-based action and the gradual recovery of a wider life.
Slowly, slowly as we make aligned choices, our box expands and we feel more fulfilled.
Yes — Sl o w l y is definitely the operative word. 💛
Sometimes I go out of my way to be uncomfortable. Recently we had a hot spell. I was working outside for a bit and I took a few minutes to just stand and experience the heat. It’s unrealistic to expect to be comfortable all the time. Be ok with being uncomfortable and then be grateful when you’re not.
Yes to being ok with being uncomfortable and gratitude for comfort (rather than as an expectation!) 💜🙏🏻💜
A good reminder that what we resist may be trying to teach us something. The real work may be less about getting past the obstacle and more about letting it change how we live. As Joseph Campbell said, "The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” Thanks for writing this.
Ohhh, such a perfect quote! Wish I had the insight to include it in the essay. Thank you for adding it to the mix. 💜🙏🏻💜
The part about the body dropping into shutdown as a last resort when fight and flight haven’t worked …I see this constantly in somatic sessions and have lived it myself. The body is not betraying us when it collapses. It is doing the most conservative thing it knows to protect what remains. It’s wonderful when we begin to learn to tools and understand how to direct the light towards a shift gently without the heaviness of the body and heart response.
The collapse is often there for a reason. When we force ourselves to push through it, we do ourselves harm.
Today is my day off and I am pleasantly enjoying all the rest my body wants :)
YES!!
I collapsed w/out recognizing what actually happened to me for quite a while. Honestly I am shocked that it didn’t happen 2-3 decades ago with everything I was living through.
The human body is very resilient and disassociating is taught to us at a very young age.
Thank you. That is an important to remember. 🌷
It’s a brilliant survival strategy. But sometimes (often) it outlives its usefulness so we have to teach it about the here-and-now.
A most valuable post for me to read and begin absorbing its messages today as yesterday (for me) I was resisting the reality of what IS for my body in recovery mode from medical & surgical trauma (that I've only just realised is the basis for my trauma) ... learning more here is so helpful... thank you.
I feel this, and have done or myself more times than I can count. Resisting reality anyways gets us into trouble. Sometimes we simply need to rest and (dare I say it?) convalesce. Especially as we age, we can’t expect our bodies to just bounce back. I admit, I still struggle with this myself.
Thank you for your understanding and empathy! Struggling with the ingrained patterns of what contributed to overwhelm and ill health from trauma it's harder to take on kindness and self compassion but today I will!
💜🙏🏻💜
This beautifully captures the difference between discomfort that expands us and suffering that signals a genuine need for rest, safety, or support. The obstacle may become part of the path, but we do not always need to force our way through it. Sometimes the path asks us to pause, listen, change direction, or release a life that no longer fits. Growth is not simply tolerating more pain; it is becoming more discerning about which discomfort serves our values and which repeatedly asks us to abandon ourselves.
Well said, thank you Marelize 💜🙏🏻💜
“Sometimes the path asks us to pause, listen, change direction, or release a life that no longer fits. Growth is not simply tolerating more pain; it is becoming more discerning about which discomfort serves our values and which repeatedly asks us to abandon ourselves.” 💕
🙏🏻💜🙏🏻
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” - Marcus Aurelius
Perfect quote. Thank you. 💜🙏🏻💜
This is wonderful, Linnea. I try to think of it as turning away from or turning towards (with more curiosity than fear, as Pema says ;) what comes my way in life. Currently doing with this with my very slow recovery from surgery.
I have long viewed challenges as what can be learned from them, and how I can be expanded by them. So much so that I felt there might be a way in which I was becoming attached to challenge/difficulty as the only path for learning, and wondered if that attracted more of it.
Now I am also consciously focused on being equally as interested in balance, slowness, nothing special happening for what they offer in terms of expansion and growth. Here for all of it :).
Balance and slowness is a rich source of wisdom and nourishment but damn it is hard to slow down! How is the recovery going?
It seems we learn alignment and balance the same way we learn to ride a bicycle. A little bit at a time. I appreciate the obstacles (after the fact) because my world, and capacity for joy, becomes larger.
Beautifully written. I am following in your footsteps (even the living in the mountains of California) and sending you healing thoughts on your continued journey.
Wonderful to meet you Natasha. 💜🙏🏻💜 Sending you healing thoughts as well.
After pushing my body to its limits at the start of this year I am now trying to realign myself 🩵 I was even journaling about my difficulties with acceptance and avoidance responses this morning so I feel I was meant to see this article
That realignment is so hard. I have really struggled with it myself, and with learning a new way to be and releasing the old.
“I’ve spent much of my life since learning what to do with a gift I didn’t ask for. My healer gift works the same way. I’ve written about discovering, mid-psychedelic-journey, that I conduct other people’s pain the way a crystal grid conducts energy, and that having the capacity was not the same as having the wisdom to use it well.”…
Linnea, These words describe a part of me that I don’t discuss with anyone out of fear that I will be even more misunderstood. The fact is it won’t make any sense to anyone else. I am so grateful to you for sharing it and articulating it as beautifully as you have. Admittedly I sometimes value these qualities as to having a beautiful inherent gift. Other times I can see no value in the gift whatsoever. Only acute distress heavily influenced by my empathic nature renting free space in my mind and behind the door to my nervous system causing me far too much distress.
Thank you DiANE. 🙏🏻💜🙏🏻 When I first came to Substack, I know I wanted to take risks and write about things I had only kept private. Every time I post a tidbit such as this one, I hold my breath. But know it is landing in fertile with at least a few people keeps me going (and keeps me honest and vulnerable). I so deeply appreciate your words here. Thank you.
Thank you, Linnea. That means a lot to me. 🙏🏼💛🙏🏼